Nobody cares except your mother

I've now started my very last semester of business school. From here on in, only easy, fun classes (i.e., nothing involving statistics or the time value of money). Surprisingly, I've realized recently that I've learned a lot in the MBA program. It's surprising mostly because I'm a big snob and I expected the program to consist of pI've now started my very last semester of business school. From here on in, only easy, fun classes (i.e., nothing involving statistics or the time value of money). Surprisingly, I've realized recently that I've learned a lot in the MBA program. It's surprising mostly because I'm a big snob and I expected the program to consist of practical knowledge that anyone could learn on their own, if they took the time to do it. That's true, of course: it's true of any kind of professional school, which, historically, developed in part as a substitute for life experience in the field. On the other hand, it finally dawned on me that academic graduate school is also a substitute for life experience in the field, but there the experience consists mostly of reading. Nevertheless, as I approach graduation, I realize I've learned to look at things in a new way, which is the real point and a good thing.

But that's not my point here. Throughout the program, many of my instructors have been in my age range. This is not surprising since I am currently in my peak working years and should also be at the peak of my career, like my instructors. I'm usually somewhat older than most, although not all, the other students, although, thanks to a good hair stylist, sun block, and good genes, there is usually someone who looks older than me in each class.

Nevertheless, it never fails: the instructor at some point makes a comment about how young the students are. Usually it's couched in the "I'm a lot older than you...." or "You're too young to remember...." reference to something from the 80's. Please, old instructors! Turn up your hearing aids and let me tell you a thing or two! There are many reasons that this is a really tedious thing to say and is bound to lose the attention of your audience, whatever their average age may be.

Cultural references are not necessarily age-specific. My instructor the other night didn't get a half an hour into his lecture before he brought up the movie "The Paper Chase," which he then qualified with "You are all too young to have seen it."  Whether or not many the students in the room were too young to have seen the movie in a first-run theater, there's incredible news: movies are now recorded and can be seen again and again, even after the writers and actors and director are all crumbled into dust!

But more than that, there's something fundamentally demeaning about assuming that people are younger than you. The implicit message is that there is something that the younger audience simply will not understand until they are told, or until they experience it themselves. That may be true, but it isn't any truer than the fact that there are things about being a woman, or a Jew, or a midwesterner that those who aren't in that group won't understand until they're told—and these are observations we would be very unlikely to make so casually.

Moreover, we can't know what someone else's experience of life is. We can't know how much or how little someone has learned in the time they've been alive. We all know people in their teens who seem unusually wise, because they've spent their time observing and absorbing. And we all know boring and shallow people who have spent their time on earth doing pretty much nothing.

I think people make comments like "You're too young..." or "I'm a lot older than you, so..." because they are having trouble wrapping their mind around the fact that every day they are aging and moving closer to death and farther from new possibilities. They feel surprised that they are as old as they are. It seems so sudden. Where did all that time go? Everyone seems to feel this way. I can't believe I'm middle-aged. My parents can't believe they're almost 70. My 6th grade friend can't believe he's in middle school already. What! 18/30/50/95 already! It seems like just yesterday I was....

Everyone on earth is subject to the passage of time and is taken aback at how suddenly they've gotten older than they used to be. That's why no one really cares how old anyone else feels. Surprise! We are all only worried about ourselves, not about you. "You're to young to remember...." is never, ever going to be interesting as a rhetorical device. Please leave your fear of death and regret about lost possibilities back in your office, and find something more engaging to talk about.

Comments

[jayne]

Oooh, harsh! (I say this because I've found myself tempted to utter phrases like this from time to time). I think it is a defense mechanism. We're trying to recapture some of that "cool" we lose as we age. Don't get the latest catchphrase that's popular with the kids these days? Well, let me just toss out an obscure reference that you won't get because it's before your time. . .

[Vicki in Michigan]

Welcome back.

Once you're as old as I am, you'll understand the reasons people expect that younger people won't understand what they are talking about.

;-)

Once upon a time, I taught intro programming. One day all the students were supposed to cut class to protest [something; can't remember what]. My students were all there. I teased them a little, and was told they all agreed with the protest, but didn't see why it should have a negative impact on their education.

Ok.

The lesson that day was a look at the concept of subroutines (breaking the solution to a problem into small stand-alone parts).

The example was a pig-latin translator.

At some point, I paused and looked over a sea of blank faces.

"What?"

"Um.... What's 'pig-latin'?"

I told them that, sheesh, no wonder they weren't out protesting; they didn't even know *pig-latin*................. :-)

So -- there really are differences in world view, in shared experience.... Maybe but not necessarily broken out by age (I have never seen The Paper Chase.....).

I don't think these sort of off-hand "you may not get this" comments have anything to do with fear of death, etc, etc.....

At least -- they don't when I make them. :-)

Just sayin.

:-)

[Joaneliasvelick]

I am thoroughly enjoying your blog.
It may inspire me to start one. In
particular, I loved your paragraph below.

"Moreover, we can't know what someone else's experience of life is. We can't know how much or how little someone has learned in the time they've been alive. We all know people in their teens who seem unusually wise, because they've spent their time observing and absorbing. And we all know boring and shallow people who have spent their time on earth doing pretty much nothing."

And I guess I would add, you can't
know how someone interprets another's inner being.

And I thoroughly dislike someone
telling me they know "exactly how
I feel!"